While the utter shitshow that is Brexit continued into late March 2019, malfunctioning replicant PM, Theresa May, fresh out of fucks to give about the whole thing, sequestered herself and a group of 13 MPs away at her Chequers country retreat, to discuss support for Meaningful Vote III: Tokyo Drift.
A day or so later, it emerged that this extraordinarily diverse group, consisting of 13 middle-aged, white arseholes and one broken animatronic, had come up with a nickname for themselves. You heard that right, a fucking nickname. By now, I’m sure you know what that nickname was. Yup, that’s right – The Grand Wizards.
I’ll let you pause for a minute to digest that. There’s a lot going on here.
I wouldn’t assume for a second that you don’t immediately know what the issue is, but if you’re really not sure, Grand Wizard was (and still is) the title given to the leaders of the Ku Klux Klan, an American white supremacist hate group who did (and still do) some pretty bad shit.
So a group of exclusively white people – in positions of power – decide to call themselves the Grand Wizards… Hmmmmmkay.
Again, there’s a lot to digest here. But the first and arguably most ridiculous thing about this, is that if they did come up with this themselves, at some point, a group of middle-aged MPs, making life-changing decisions about the future of Great Britain, stopped to have a conversation about what their ‘team name’ should be.
I wonder how that conversation went?
May: “Guys, before we go any further, we need to think of a team name, what should we call ourselves?”
Steve 2: “Excelsior!”
May: “Fucking hell Steves, it’s not The Apprentice.”
Gove: “The Crackers?”
May: “I’m not sure we could really get aw…”
Johnson: “The Avengers?”
May: “The Avengers? Seriously, Boris?”
Haunted Victorian Twiglet, Rees-Mogg: “The KKK.”
May: “Too much.”
Rabb: “What time are the pizzas getting here? I’m hungry. Jesus, this is sooooo boring.”
Johnson: “What about The Racists?”
May: “Bit obvious.”
IDS: “Grand Wizards?”
It’s possible that someone else came up with the name for them. But either way, I absolutely refuse to believe that nobody understood the connotations. I don’t believe it for a second, and neither should you.
Instead of calling this out for what it was though, news outlets were falling over themselves to excuse it as some sort of gaffe. The Huffington Post suggested that “someone really should have googled it!” The Mirror suggested that “nobody had a clue” as to what it meant.
Well I call bullshit. Pure, unadulterated bullshit.
When 14 white people sit in a room dicsusisng the future of our country and call themselves the Grand Wizards, I’m left with absolutely no doubt as to my and my family’s place in their vision. And Theresa May has the gall tell me she’s on my side? Fuck these people.
Also, grow the fuck up. You’re a collection of fucking MPs, you don’t need a motherfucking team name. What are you, like 5?
BBC potitical editor, Laura Kuenssberg’s reporting of this whole incident was also a thing to behold. “For the avoidance of doubt,” she tweeted, the nickname is only being used “informally, no intended connection to anything else.” While Kuenssberg’s leanings are well known, this is a bit fucking much. I don’t think it’s unfair to say she’s basically normalising white supremacy and racism here.
“In case you were worried that they’d named themselves after the KKK, it’s only an informal nickname, they haven’t had business cards made up or anything.”
The main takeaway from all of this should be something along the lines of “Shitting hell guys, the PM and her group of exclusively white and largely known-to-be-objectively-racist MPs have just named themselves after the actual KKK.”
THAT’s the story!
But hey, this is the world we live in now, right? This openly racist and hostile Tory government, likening themselves to the KKK and being excused for it, deporting people all over the place, literally tearing families apart, ruining lives. Just plain racism, right in front of your face. That’s Great Britain in 2019.
It fucking stinks.
Now. What are we going to do about it?